Thursday, September 25, 2014

Are we still family?

Today marks the 9 month anniversary of my Dad's passing. 9 months. That's 275 days. Almost one full year. The thought of him being gone still takes my breath away at times. I've had this blog topic on my mind for nearly the last 8 months, but it's even heavier on my heart the past couple of weeks. I know I've sat down to write this blog at least 3 times now, and the words just won't come out. I looked at the calendar earlier and realized the date, the 25th, and I knew I needed try again.



Does the family relationship prior to death affect the kinship after death? This is a topic that I have revisited so often in my mind. Where do we go from here?

I find myself wanting to keep a relationship with everyone as it has been in the past. I have many aunts, uncles, cousins (and now two second cousins) and my grandmother whom I've always had a close relationship with. When my dad was so sick they were all very encouraging, supportive and loving to myself, my mother and my sisters. 

What has happened now? Where has all of the love and support gone? I have not spoke to an aunt or uncle in the last 8 months. 

I often find myself wondering if they feel as though my dad's passing was our fault. I don't know how they could even begin to think that, but why else would they leave us in the dust? 

I do understand how painful they may find it to be around their deceased son/brothers family - but how do they think WE feel? The glue that kept our family strong is now gone. We have the same hurt as they do.

I am hopeful that in the coming days we can open a line of communication again. Right now, it just feels too uncomfortable to do so. Do I wait on them to come around or do I make the first move? It's just a really unfortunate situation. Is is meant to be that we depart from the family and begin to live without wondering and/or worrying what they think of us? 

I don't think this fully portrays my frustration and sadness, but it's a start. So many questions, and no one to answer them. 







2 comments:

  1. So beautifully written, Chelsea. Obviously, I haven't dealt with the loss of a parent first-hand. However, I have had my own type of loss, and I've been trying to write a post similar to this for a week, now. I feel like people realize how painful your situation is at first. Then, their lives get busy, again, and they move on. I think going through something like you are will make you more sympathetic to others when they suffer loss. You're a strong woman! Give you aunt/uncle a call. They are lucky to have you in THEIR lives! I love you, girl.

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    1. You are right. Lives get busy and everyone moves on. But why is that? Do people just get tired of hearing our moaning and groaning? I hate that infertility ties in to this topic, also. While you are still fighting the battle, it's almost the feeling that everyone around you is giving up on your hopes and dreams while you continue the fight and you end up feeling alone.Thanks for the sweet comment! Love you too! You are really my super hero. You inspire me to be a better person with your determined heart and fighting soul!

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