Thursday, September 25, 2014

Are we still family?

Today marks the 9 month anniversary of my Dad's passing. 9 months. That's 275 days. Almost one full year. The thought of him being gone still takes my breath away at times. I've had this blog topic on my mind for nearly the last 8 months, but it's even heavier on my heart the past couple of weeks. I know I've sat down to write this blog at least 3 times now, and the words just won't come out. I looked at the calendar earlier and realized the date, the 25th, and I knew I needed try again.

Does the family relationship prior to death affect the kinship after death? This is a topic that I have revisited so often in my mind. Where do we go from here?

I find myself wanting to keep a relationship with everyone as it has been in the past. I have many aunts, uncles, cousins (and now two second cousins) and my grandmother whom I've always had a close relationship with. When my dad was so sick they were all very encouraging, supportive and loving to myself, my mother and my sisters. 

What has happened now? Where has all of the love and support gone? I have not spoke to an aunt or uncle in the last 8 months. 

I often find myself wondering if they feel as though my dad's passing was our fault. I don't know how they could even begin to think that, but why else would they leave us in the dust? 

I do understand how painful they may find it to be around their deceased son/brothers family - but how do they think WE feel? The glue that kept our family strong is now gone. We have the same hurt as they do.

I am hopeful that in the coming days we can open a line of communication again. Right now, it just feels too uncomfortable to do so. Do I wait on them to come around or do I make the first move? It's just a really unfortunate situation. Is is meant to be that we depart from the family and begin to live without wondering and/or worrying what they think of us? 

I don't think this fully portrays my frustration and sadness, but it's a start. So many questions, and no one to answer them. 

Thursday, September 11, 2014

I know you don't blog a lot...

The Life Cycle of a Blog Post | Mommy Runs It
My long lost blog has been neglected for far too long. I have posted two blogs that mysteriously disappeared, but otherwise, there hasn’t been much to say!

We were finally able to put our house on the market. After many weeks of cleaning, packing and re-carpeting the whole house, the For Sale sign was finally placed in the front yard a few weeks ago. I have one side of the garage filled with boxes of home d├ęcor, kitchen gadgets and whatever else was cluttering our space. We have had one showing so far. I hope this is meant to be, we are really unhappy where we are living right now and we need this change. ...the neighbors, the drive to work, etc.

We have a very exciting trip to Belize coming up in the next several weeks. I am hoping to come back fresh and renewed and ready to start (in)fertility treatments again. Why not give it another shot (literally) in Nov and Dec since I have met my deductible this year? :)

On that same note, I’ve finally been able to lose some weight. In the last few weeks I’ve lost 19lbs. I hate to say it, but I could lose 19lbs several more times before I am comfortable again. I am continuing to stay active as much as possible and controlling my portions. Also, I’ve cut out all forms of sugary beverages. (Except I do have 2tsp of sugar in my one cup of coffee in the morning!) I am hoping that a little weight loss will help with our next round or two of treatments. Otherwise, we will be forced to move on to something more aggressive. They say losing just 10% of your body weight can really influence your fertility. Let’s hope ‘they’ are right!

Until next time…
stay strong the weekend is coming soon