Monday, December 16, 2013

My Dad's Final Journey

Just so I'll remember...

My parents headed to OKC this morning to start the last week of aggressive radiation. The car ride there was extremely hard on him, and he wasn't able to complete the treatment due to anxiety, lack of strength and in and out of consciousness. I went to visit him last night, and he was asking if we would drive him from his recliner to the couch, because his back was hurting. I've been in denial that this is ACTUALLY happening and his life is coming to an end.

He just boarded the ambulance to be taken home. Hospice care will be starting this evening or by tomorrow. They previously told us that if he didn't try treatment, he wouldn't make it until Christmas. The end is coming, and I just can't believe it. Is this really happening? Is my Dad really this sick and I've just been oblivious or have I been hopeful in that miracle I've been praying for...either way, it's hitting hard, in more ways than one.
 
 I'd like to mention this one last thing...
ANY form of TOBACCO is not worth your life.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Full of Fight


This is kind of going to be all over the place….so skip this post if you can’t handle it! J

My dad had a follow up appointment yesterday regarding his cancer treatment options. (Back in OKC) They gave him the choice to continue with treatment starting next week or he could just call it quits. (to put it lightly.) They did make him aware that if he did not choose to start treatment right away – he would more than likely not make it until Christmas. Just saying those words, my heart ACHES and my eyes fill with tears. He’s only 52 years old. He and my mom have been married just over 28 years. My mom said, you work so hard for so many years to get along and raise your family – your older years should be spent relaxing and enjoying each other. According to the doctors, they will not have that option. They are saying the treatment will just prolong his life, but not heal him. I am praying and believing differently than the physicians.  

The said treatment will consist of Chemo and Radiation (again). Radiation will be through the clinic in OKC where his doctors are – then he can start chemo a little closer to home. He made the decision last night to KEEP FIGHTING. He is and always has been a fighter. He doesn’t give up one ANYONE or ANYTHING and he isn’t giving up on the chance at a miracle.

Every evening that I go to visit him, I have a hard time sleeping that night. I wake up several times from very realistic dreams. I keep dreaming that I am wearing a black dress and I’m at his funeral. Not only am I at his funeral, but I pregnant. I am so jealous of the children who have spent time with my dad over the years. …All of the children who have received multiple cookies, juice boxes and popsicles, courtesy of “Big Brad.” My dad loves children so much. Even when he is so sick and under the influence of medication, children still light up his face and make him smile. I’m thankful for the loved ones who continue to bring their children around to brighten my dad’s day so often.

 

No news right now that I can share on the TTC front…