Monday, December 16, 2013

My Dad's Final Journey

Just so I'll remember...

My parents headed to OKC this morning to start the last week of aggressive radiation. The car ride there was extremely hard on him, and he wasn't able to complete the treatment due to anxiety, lack of strength and in and out of consciousness. I went to visit him last night, and he was asking if we would drive him from his recliner to the couch, because his back was hurting. I've been in denial that this is ACTUALLY happening and his life is coming to an end.

He just boarded the ambulance to be taken home. Hospice care will be starting this evening or by tomorrow. They previously told us that if he didn't try treatment, he wouldn't make it until Christmas. The end is coming, and I just can't believe it. Is this really happening? Is my Dad really this sick and I've just been oblivious or have I been hopeful in that miracle I've been praying for...either way, it's hitting hard, in more ways than one.
 I'd like to mention this one last thing...
ANY form of TOBACCO is not worth your life.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Full of Fight

This is kind of going to be all over the place….so skip this post if you can’t handle it! J

My dad had a follow up appointment yesterday regarding his cancer treatment options. (Back in OKC) They gave him the choice to continue with treatment starting next week or he could just call it quits. (to put it lightly.) They did make him aware that if he did not choose to start treatment right away – he would more than likely not make it until Christmas. Just saying those words, my heart ACHES and my eyes fill with tears. He’s only 52 years old. He and my mom have been married just over 28 years. My mom said, you work so hard for so many years to get along and raise your family – your older years should be spent relaxing and enjoying each other. According to the doctors, they will not have that option. They are saying the treatment will just prolong his life, but not heal him. I am praying and believing differently than the physicians.  

The said treatment will consist of Chemo and Radiation (again). Radiation will be through the clinic in OKC where his doctors are – then he can start chemo a little closer to home. He made the decision last night to KEEP FIGHTING. He is and always has been a fighter. He doesn’t give up one ANYONE or ANYTHING and he isn’t giving up on the chance at a miracle.

Every evening that I go to visit him, I have a hard time sleeping that night. I wake up several times from very realistic dreams. I keep dreaming that I am wearing a black dress and I’m at his funeral. Not only am I at his funeral, but I pregnant. I am so jealous of the children who have spent time with my dad over the years. …All of the children who have received multiple cookies, juice boxes and popsicles, courtesy of “Big Brad.” My dad loves children so much. Even when he is so sick and under the influence of medication, children still light up his face and make him smile. I’m thankful for the loved ones who continue to bring their children around to brighten my dad’s day so often.


No news right now that I can share on the TTC front…







Monday, November 25, 2013

Thankful Week

Happy Thanksgiving Week!

My appointment this morning – went great! One follie is measuring about 22 and another at a 16… He said we have 1 ¾ follies to work with this cycle! Which is fine by me – only need one! J Sent me home with a trigger shot to take tonight…then we will start the 2WW! So happy to be at this point! Lining is looking great…and He even sent me home a picture of it! (HA!) I’m not sure what to look for…but I’m praying the next picture will have a little baby in it! (I’ve always longed to have an ultrasound picture to take home, so this first one will have to do for now!)

Ovidrel - Trigger Shot
I am looking forward to wrapping up this short week at work. It’s time to celebrate Thanksgiving with family and relax at home with my husband. Hopefully this whirlwind year can bring some GREAT news in December!

Friday, November 22, 2013

Slow and Steady

Todays scan showed one good, slowly growing follicle. I will continue the Follistim until Sunday, then head back to the Dr. Monday morning. IUI should be next week, but the day can't be pinned down just yet! I am so relieved with these news! This slow growing follie is nosurprise to me...since this whole process has been slow! :-) Nothing more to report...just patiently awaiting the arrival of Monday! Good luck on your transfer, Laura!

Monday, November 18, 2013

CD 10 *update*

5mg Femara CD 3-7
50IU Follistim CD 7-9
*update* Follistim up'd to 75 IU!

** Higher dose of Follistim CD10-13. Follicle scan Friday afternoon....praying for some growth! (How many times can I say a word that starts with F this week...Follie, Follistim, Femara, Friday.......) 
Today is CD 10 and the follicle scan showed all follies are at a 10 or smaller. We are going to continue the Follistim for a few more days to see if I respond. Come on FOLLIES.

After the weekend we had, I was hoping for some good news today. Dad is not doing well, at all…and my dog because paralyzed Friday morning…… The devil better back off of me and my family.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

What a relief it is!

CD6 is here and I have been taking Femara (5mg) for 4 days now! This medication improves the stimulation of developing follicles (eggs) in the ovaries. It’s as simple as taking two little pills in the morning and letting it do its job! The only side effects so far, can be treated with Tylenol, so I’m okay with that! I’ll take a headache anytime to achieve the goal we are after. It also gives me a little problem with my joints...but that's no biggie. This medication will be taken for a total of 5 days, much like you do with Clomid. Femara works in a similar way of Clomid, although it does not affect the uterine lining!
Tomorrow will be the start of the injections. 50IUs of Follistim – followed by another ultrasound on Monday morning!
Saturday calls for a baby shower on my husband’s side of the family. You know I’m excited for that…Another reminder that we are the only married folks in his family that are sans children!

Not much to report – but wanted to give an update! Looking forward to a vacation day with the Husband tomorrow!


UPDATE: The nurse just called me to update me on my recent blood work. She said everything looked perfect. They checked the following: FSH, TSH, Prolactin and Estradiol. The word PERFECT is extremely exciting to me! After first seeing a Dr who told me that my thyroid was abnormal, sending me to a specialist doctor (his friend) who told me I had hashimotos thyroiditis (but for some reason weren’t treating, just monitoring with EXPENSIVE ultrasounds)…leaves me feeling relieved. I can’t help but think the last 2+ years have been a waste of time AND MONEY. (This is not to speak badly of the doctor, just my personal experience.)  What a relief today has been. This makes the long weekend ahead THAT much better! :-)

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Dad Update

As I’ve posted about before – my dad is currently fighting cancer. Last Sunday, my husband, my sister and I followed my parents to OKC to get them moved in to a short term apartment. We knew my dad wouldn’t be able to help my mom much, so we decided it would be helpful for us to all go. We were able to get the apartment unpacked and organized. The following day, he started his chemotherapy and radiation treatment. Before starting the treatment they found ANOTHER tumor on his neck. It is very aggressive, and is the same tumor that was removed during the initial surgery. I’m told that the long term prognosis of the tumor coming back after radiation is high. If the tumor comes back after 24 months post radiation, it is going to be extremely difficult or impossible to eradicate. Since they found the tumor, they have bumped up his radiation treatments up to 6 times a week. Today will be Day THREE of treatment. I talked with my mom earlier and she said that my dad is just wanting to stay knocked out all the time. I can’t say I blame him. Praying that both he and my mom can find some comfort in the coming weeks.


New View

Monday has come and went, and with that, came the meeting with the new doctor. What an extremely different experience this was!! On the way there, my blood pressure was definitely soaring…Talk about a nervous wreck! The thought of having to drop your pants for yet another person does not put me at ease.
The office was very nice, clean, and full of pregnant woman, babies and couples! (Good sign?!) This was a big difference from the original office I had been going to. The staff was extremely courteous and upbeat. I finally had an okay feeling and my BP was down just a bit. I got my paperwork filled out, and shortly after was called back to a room. After a decent wait, the doctor came in and introduced himself. He seems to have an awesome personality but talks extremely fast! We discussed my medical history and he gave me some statistics for IVF/IUI…and told me IVF was obviously the best choice – but not always the first choice. (In some situations!) He is going to have me come in on CD3 and check me out…and we will go from there. I am hopeful we can start off where we left off before…
Flashback – In April 2012, Dr. B performed the laparoscopy and hysteroscopy and determined I had endometriosis and I had signs of PCOS. After the surgery, I took 6 months of Lupron shots. Since having this happen, I have found 4 other bloggers who have had the same treatment as well as similar timelines…I say this because…At my appointment on Monday, the doctor verified that all of Dr. B’s patients he has seen have had the same treatment. I was the first patient he has seen that wasn’t diagnosed with a Uterine Septum. ( From the beginning – I had wondered if this was REALLY the correct diagnosis. I know that only time will tell, but I am intrigued. Just a coincidence or do all of the infertiles in T-town have endometriosis?
I should have another update (God willing!  J ) by the end of next week! The past 2+ years have literally FLOWN right by me and I am starting to feel it. I am ready for my husband and I to just be US in the very near future.
…With or without baby

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Switching things UP

Yesterday I celebrated my birthday, then as a gift to myself, I FIRED MY DOCTOR.
 Never did I see this coming! I loved my doctor, nurses and staff. They have ALL been extremely friendly to me and my husband since day one.
Now, let’s get down to the Nitty Gritty!
On August 13th my husband and I had a meeting with the doctor to discuss our options to conceive since the simple oral medication had not worked. We agreed that I would take two months of birth control and with the second month AF, I would call and let them know “SHE” was here. Fast forward to October 8th, SHE was here. I made the phone call and was told I would be getting a call back that day. That day ended – and no phone call. That was a Tuesday. I continued to call on Wednesday and Thursday – same story . . . no returned phone call. Friday I had given up and asked my husband to call. Same story, except this time, they guaranteed I would be called back by the end of business day. = NO CALL. This is the second incident that they have totally ignored my phone calls.
Yesterday, the 14th, I had the day off work so I thought I would give it yet another try! I was on Cycle Day 7. The nurse picked up the phone and asked me to HOLD, so I did. Then the receptionist came on the phone and told me she was the ONLY one in the office for the day – everyone else was out of town. (I don't know if that is true!?) I asked her why I was never called back and for the first time ever she was extremely rude! She said she was sorry and told me the answer to the question I had a week ago. They were going to have me come in in two weeks for the initial ‘baseline’ ultrasound. No – No…This was not the plan and by this point I had already ran out of all of the medication I was on, including the BCPs. By this point I should have already started on my injections and had the ultrasound!
After being with this clinic for almost two years, we are finally to the point where we can use injections and they wanted to put me off for another month.
In our meeting with the Dr in August, he said that he would give us 3 chances to try with injections then he would insist we use IVF. My husband and I agreed that we would not jump in to IVF so quickly and we let him know. My feelings tell me that his ‘baby’ is IVF and he really doesn’t want to help other patients unless they are going straight for that. He is good at what he does, as far as IVF goes, but it is heart breaking that he has led me on for so long, took so much of my money and is not willing to stick to his plans. As soon as this issue came up, I felt an immediate resistance from him and the office staff.
Although I was extremely upset this was happening, after becoming so comfortable with the staff – I was able to find a new doctor right away. I have requested my file for pick up, and will be having my first appointment with a new Dr on October 28th.
I still can’t believe we are switching doctors. I’m not one for firing and hiring doctors – or as some would say – a doctor jumper. But I just can’t stand to be ignored when medications and doctor visits are time sensitive!!!
I just needed to get this off of my chest. I apologize for the annoying post!

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Gluten Free, Me.

I’ve known for a little over a year that I had PCOS. My doctor never mentioned to me that I should try going gluten free, low carb, etc… I just kind of researched on my own and found the information out. My little sister has started going to the same doctor and she also has PCOS. They’ve drilled her about drinking NO pop and cutting out bread/gluten. After much consideration this last week, I decided that I REALLY needed to buckle down and get started on this lifestyle change. I am going to start out doing the Adkin’s induction diet. I feel like that will be a good way to help me learn a new style of eating. It is hard saying GOOD BYE to sweet tea and delicious bread…but it’s something I’ve needed to do for quite a while. My little sister is my inspiration – if she can do it – I should be able to, also! J
Here’s a breakdown of a few things I will be eating.
Breakfast: 2 eggs, Canadian bacon, Water or Coffee
Lunch: Lettuce/Greens, Small chicken breast and a light olive oil based dressing
Dinner: Steamed Veggies, Grilled Fish/Chicken and a side salad
I try to get 80-100oz of water a day now. I know I should be updating my water intake too.
I’m determined to get in the mind set of eating this way, and sticking with it. I am feeling guilty for waiting so long to change my ways – but it’s now or never! I choose now! J
I met a fellow TTC girl on Instagram who is also inspiring me for a change. It is nice to find people who are walking the same path as you – who understand and are great motivators!
Hopefully I can update with a weight loss in the coming weeks! I’m looking forward to this new adventure and looking at food in a more positive way.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Why Worry?

T-Minus 1.5 hours until my next RE appointment. We will be discussing our next options for treatments! I have done a total of 3 rounds of Clomid, with one chemical pregancy and the rest Big Fat Negatives. I am having an uneasy feeling about this appointment as there as been a lot of setbacks along the way. I have my heart set on starting injectable medication along with an IUI and I hope they are on board with that plan - as well!  

This is kind of mean, but who doesn't feel like this sometimes?

For my husband! He is a keeper - for putting up with me!

I started reading "Hannah's Hope" last night, and just in the first few chapters, I have already found some comfort. It is a very good Christian based book on fertility, adoption and miscarriage.

Monday, August 12, 2013

Tobacco, It stops with Him.

I knew I would be a terrible blogger from the start! This is a prime example! No entries for several weeks!
 My family life has been extremely busy the past 2 months. My dad was diagnosed with Squamous Cell Carcinoma last month. To put it in layman’s terms, it is a type of skin cancer. In his situation, it is Cancer of the tongue. He has used smokeless tobacco since he was a teenager. He is scheduled to have a partial tongue removal next Thursday, followed by Chemotherapy and Radiation. They will be removing 2/3 of his tongue and also reconstruction of the tongue. The section of the tongue that is being reconstructed will not have any muscle; therefore we have been told his speech will be impaired. He is currently in a lot of pain, but since the surgery will be a total of 18 hours, they have had him wait two weeks before they can have two doctors available to do such an extensive surgery. He currently has a feeding tube so that he can receive nutrition, water and medication. He may or may not be able to have it removed after the surgery. The doctor asked him if he could have the ability to talk or eat, which would he choose, and he said he would rather EAT. I don’t’ blame him. He has lost 40lbs in the past two months. There is a lot of technology these days to help us communicate with each other. I am very thankful that he has found a great team of doctors in OKC to help him along this journey. One day at a time…is all we can really do!
 While the thought of him not being able to have his full speaking ability again is heartbreaking, I am very thankful he will have LIFE. If you know someone who uses smokeless tobacco, please ask them to stop. It’s as simple as that. The Skoal ring on the back of your jeans is NOT cool.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Blessings in Waiting

God, it seems as if every time I turn around I am faced with a celebration involving a baby. In my heart, I don’t want to be jealous, angry, or envious, but it is hard to face these days. You said in Your Word You would go before me and be with me. You have not forsaken me and you are with me at each celebration. I ask for my focus to be outward toward others rather than inward toward myself. I pray for blessings on the new life being welcomed into this world with gifts and words and blessings. I thank you for all the mothers and fathers who are being celebrated on these special days. As I feel compelled to attend the event out of duty, I ask You to dissolve away my heaviness and strengthen me according to Your Word. Most of all, I thank You in advance for the day I will celebrate the blessing of my own children. In Jesus’ name, amen.

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you, he will never leav you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged.
Deuteronomy 31:8

My life dissolves and weeps itself away for heaviness; raise me up and strengthen me according to [the promises of] Your word.
Psalm 119:28

Rejoice with those who rejoice.
Romans 12:15

Give thanks in all circumstances, for tis is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:18

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Quick Update

Praying for the victims in the Oklahoma tornadoes this week. One tornado was in the town of Skiatook for a short while, about 7 miles from my house. It took at turn to the North and headed towards my cousins home. It touched down about 2 miles from her house. All of my family in Oklahoma is safe, but there are so many families here that are devastated with the loss of loved ones, their homes, pets and belongings. Words can't describe what they must be going through!

Street flooding after the Tornado passed

She has had enough of the thunder!
One day before the awful weather rolled in, My sister got married! It ended up being a very warm evening. I didn't get too many pictures since I was in the wedding - but I will share what I do have!



Myself and my lover boy, after wardrobe change :-)


There is a lot of time and money that goes in to having a family wedding. Between throwing the wedding shower, shopping, hair appointments, planning, planning and more planning, I am just about spent. I don't think I put as much effort in to my own wedding as I did for my baby sisters! ;-)

Now that my involvement with the wedding is over. It's time to tackle some home projects! New wood flooring in the bedrooms and new paint on the walls. It has been plain beige that the builder used for the past 5 years we have lived there. Time for a little color. Also, the builder didn't install a back splash, so that is also on the TO DO list! For the past few years Matt & I have had a lot going on from weddings, new babies in the family, fertility appointments, etc...We've kind of neglected doing some of the things we really wanted to do. Now is the time and we are both ready to focus on US.

I had my 3rd endometrial biopsy yesterday and I will be expecting a phone call from the nurse tomorrow with results. If the results aren't what we are looking for, we will start the process for artificial insemination! (Yes, I'm a farm animal that needs inseminated! LOL)

Looking forward to this weekend with NO plans so I can enjoy my husband! We purchased new patio furniture this past Sunday, so I am looking forward to a calm weekend outside. (With possible margaritas!!)

Here's to a great week!

Monday, April 15, 2013

Siblings, Shower and the BIG “O”

 I have two sisters, Morgan who is 21 and Abby who is turning 18 next month. It has been very odd to see both of them grow up…especially to watch them have BOYFRIENDS. I still cannot believe my little sister is getting hitched! One month from this Thursday, she will be a married woman. Morgan has dated her fiancĂ© for about 4 years. He is a welder and diesel mechanic and she is in nursing school. This past weekend I hosted her bridal shower and we had such a great turn out! It is a lot of hard work and preparation to get ready for a celebration like this. But, the hard work sure does pay off.

Peacock Theme Shower

Wish you could see both lines here!

The evening before the shower, I took an OPK that came out ALMOST positive so I knew the BIG “O” was on its way! After unpacking all of the goodies from the shower, I remembered it was time to test again! I got a positive! I ovulated for the first time, thanks to the Clomid! I have an appointment to have an endometrial biopsy (…again) on 4/22 that will tell me if the OPK gave me a true or false positive!

Monday, April 8, 2013

Small Update!

Since I started this blog, I really wanted to keep it up-to-date, but I have found that with my busy schedule, that is hard to do! So – here is my occasional update regarding baby makin’.
March 12th I had an endometrial biopsy (OUCH!!) with Dr. B which was to determine whether I was able to ovulate on my own or not. The results indicated that I in fact did not “O” on my own. The following day of receiving the results, (the 14th) the nurse called and needed me to come in ASAP for two progesterone shots. At this point, I was to wait for AF to arrive and contact the DR then. Upon arrival, I started taking clomid on CDs 3-7. I only took 25mg because they suspected that I just needed a little boost to get me going. I finished the Clomid on the 3rd of April. I am using Ovulation predictors as of yesterday…I am hoping to see a positive test in a few days…although I’ve been told they are known for giving false positives! Either way, I have another biopsy on the 22nd of this month to give us some more answers. I am hoping they stick to the original plan & I can start “injectables” instead of more clomid. I am very anxious, nervous and hopeful!
I can totally relate to this! ;-)

The original plan was to start this ‘process’ in January immediately following the birth control regimen.  But, the previous treatment of Lupron really affected my thyroid levels. I’ve had a few ultrasounds and appointments with an endocrinologist who has diagnosed me with Hashimoto’s. It will be safe for me to become pregnant, but once I am, I will have to be monitored each trimester and take a thyroid supplement as needed.
I am hoping for some GOOD news at my next appointment because lately I have been feeling strung along. Do they really want to help me? Is there a problem they aren’t telling me? Is there something more I can be doing to help myself? I really like my nurse and Dr…so it’s probably just the hormones making me question this process, but I am also ready to have a baby in my arms! I’ve come too far to give up now, so I will power through all of these low moments!!
On a more positive note, I am hosting my little sister’s bridal shower this weekend! We are having a peacock themed brunch…since her wedding is peacock themed, I figured I would get the theme started! My neice is also turning 3 this weekend. I should have a fun filled weekend ahead…I am ready to get it started!

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Here he is, in all of his glory…He turned 30 on the 30th of January! My marvelous hubby!

For his Birthday, we celebrated all month long! I took him out for a couple ‘birthday lunches’ and dinner with family. He received concert tickets from me, to see Jamey Johnson and my mom got him tickets to the Fiddler’s Hall of Fame. (He’s a fiddler, so he thoroughly enjoyed himself!)

I cannot believe Valentine’s day is already here – well, tomorrow anyways. Is it already MID-February? Time is getting away from me.
In a few weeks I will be having an endometrial biopsy to check the lining of my uterus. This will tell us whether or not I ovulated this month. I am super excited to get the ball rolling during 2013! After reading other blogs about the procedure, as well as a couple videos, I have REALLY freaked myself out. Hoping it goes much easier and less painful than what others are saying! Hoping all goes well and we can get a road map to fertility meds from here…I need to hit the treadmill hard the next few weeks to shed a few pounds!