Tuesday, June 16, 2015

History Repeats Itself







I cannot believe this is happening again.



For the past several weeks, I have been really dedicated to a healthy lifestyle. I had given up some of my favorite beverages – (COFFEE) along with some of my favorite snacks. I eliminated all processed foods, dairy, unnatural sugar, caffeine, and gluten. It was really hard at first, but I was finally starting to feel like I was out of the ‘fog’ that had been holding me under for so long. I had been longing to get my life back on track for a while now, and with being out of work, it was the perfect opportunity to work on me.

Let’s just get to the punchline!

Monday morning when I woke up, I had a strong desire to take a pregnancy test. I had one lonely test sitting in the medicine cabinet, so I pulled her out. To be honest, I was really unsure what I was doing, because there was no way that I could be pregnant. And – I really had my heart set on working on myself before pursuing any further treatments, so I hadn’t been seeing the doctor. Anyways, I did my business and watched for the lines to appear. To my surprise, two lines showed up. I yelled out to Matt – I need to go get blood work done ASAP! (Only an infertile would say this, instead of – I’m pregnant, first!!!J)

The following day (6/10), we ran over to Dr. N’s office for a quick blood draw. As always, the phlebotomist and office staff were extremely upbeat and friendly. I had such high hopes for this blood draw.

That afternoon I received a phone call to confirm that my HCG was at a 38, and I indeed was pregnant. At the time, I was very early so the low number didn’t faze us much. I was then instructed to go the Saint Francis lab Friday afternoon (6/12) for the next blood draw, as Dr. N’s lab would be closed that day. I did as I was told, and arrived in the St. Francis lab, Friday afternoon. A very cute waddling lady, who was clearly pregnant came to get me from the waiting area. She asked me a few questions, so I asked her one back…..Can I rub your belly for GOOD LUCK?! She said YES. Those results came back at a 51. It should have at least been 76 at the time.

History was repeating itself for the 4th time. I have been pregnant before, but by the second test my numbers have never doubled, and then they completely drop. (Do you even call that pregnant? At this point, I’m conflicted.)

Yesterday (6/15), I went in for my final blood draw. I was not overly optimistic, but I also wasn’t totally ruling out the idea of the situation turning around by the grace of God. I was told by the phlebotomist that they would rush the results and call me that afternoon. Afternoon came and went, and no phone call was received.

This morning around 9am, I still had not heard from anyone at the office. I called and left a message for the nurse to call me back ASAP with the test results. (Like always, you have to call them in order to get your lab results, they don’t just call their patients when they receive them…)

Just a few minutes later I received a phone call…

“Hi Chelsea, Congratulations! Your quant came back at 28! You’re pregnant! Did you know that?”

I had to tell her this was actually my 3rd 'quant' and it had actually declined. Man, did she put me on a LONG hold after that. I think she decided she better look at my chart before saying something else uneducated. I may or may not have cried in her ear for a while, after she told me my progesterone was basically nonexistent at the time of the blood draws. Why didn’t they ever tell me this information from the get-go?

And the story continues…

Matt got really upset and made a phone call back to them demanding answers.
You see, as you read before, this is the fourth time this has happened to us. Every time, it’s been the exact same situation – with or without fertility drugs.

Finally, a well-educated nurse called us back with more information. She suggested that we have another “SA” done for Matt, and go from there. If the results show poor morphology then we will have a DNA frag done with the embroyologist in STL. She answered all of the questions we had and got me back on track.

Although my hcg levels never have risen above 300ish in the past, each cycle after that has been rather painful. I feel like I have a very high pain tolerance, but I really struggle with these cycles. I’m currently waiting for that situation to start, so I can move on from this...again.










Thursday, June 4, 2015

Honey, I'm home!

And just like that – I’ve become negligent to my blog once again! I’ve been thinking about getting back on here for weeks now, and tonight… I finally will do it! So much has changed since I last updated you.

We finally got settled in to our new house. We are loving our new neighborhood and being so close to all of the amenities (Target!) again. I’m also loving the extra space we have now.

A little Step Brothers humor 

March rolled around and my husband and I were both laid off from our jobs. We had both worked for the same company for several years. (7 years for me, 8 for him) Due to the falling oil prices, the entire industry was hit pretty hard. Fortunately, this has been a blessing in disguise for us both. We have been able to enjoy some time together without being exhausted from work as well as complete a few projects at home. Another plus, I have had the time to enroll in a few college courses. But like all things, the fun has to end. Matt has landed a job and I am still actively looking.

Then in April, my mom decided to sell our lifelong home and move to the lake. She recently made the move two weeks ago (with her boyfriend/fiancé). That has definitely been a big change. Not only does she have another man in her life, but the house that was just 2 miles from me, is no longer “ours” and now she lives an hour away. The whole situation has been a BIG transition that I’m not fully able to accept at this point. Hopefully, with time it will sting a little less and we can all enjoy a little boat/lake time as a family.

Lastly, I decided to start the Arbonne 28 day detox. I have given up dairy, gluten and sugar so far. Today is day 4 and I actually feel great. It’s a little too early to give a true update on the detox – but I haven’t had this much energy or just an overall GOOD feeling in a while. I’m working toward losing 30lbs before going back to the doctor for another medicated cycle. I’m doing my best to use this plan as a guide to changing my diet going forward.

There's just a little snip it of the 'Days of Chelsea' lately. I'm looking forward to enjoy the upcoming summer and the 4th of July holiday with family and friends! 



Sunday, October 12, 2014

We did it!

Well, We did it! We finally sold our house!

After only four showings - in a little over a month - We struck a deal! We couldn't be happier to be moving on to a new season of life. And to sweeten the deal even more, we found our new home last Friday and our offer was accepted! We are set to close on our current house and move on to the next home the last week of October! As if I didn't love the fall season already, it just got better. 

 


Thursday, October 2, 2014

#ttcmugexchange2014

I'm on a roll this week! I didn't want to forget to share this fun and exciting news with you.

If you weren't aware... There is a wonderful TTC/Infertility support system over on Instagram. I've come to know many gals from all over the world. Even a few from Oklahoma! If you'd like to find out more and/or get connected, Follow me on IG @tatettc

I originally found out about this by simply looking up the hashtag: infertiliy. It has opened a whole new support system for myself and many others. You can share pictures, ask questions, share inspiration, share your blog and connect with other bloggers!

One of the most sweetest girls, Chelsea, coordinates a gift exchange just about every quarter. I have participated in the My favorite things exchange, Scarf exchange and a couple others. With Fall and Winter just around the corner, she has started the Mug Exchange! If you'd like to participate or get more information - Follow this link! http://trialsbringjoy.com/mug-exchange-2014/

If you have the time, I would encourage you to join in on the fun! It's really fun connecting with people who are in the same season of life as you are in, and being able to send them some goodies to brighten up their day. So, Go follow the link above and check Chelsea's blog out while you are there. She's AWESOME.


whole-wild-mug
 

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

October



Hello there, October! I thought you might never make your appearance!

October is my favorite month. I LOVE the gorgeous weather that autumn brings. The leaves are changing, the weather cools down and everyone seems to be feeling joyous. That joyous feeling might come from an overdose from pumpkin spice lattes, but hey, whatever works! October is also my birth month. My mom, her twin and I all share the same birthday on the 14th, so it’s always been a fun month. I remember as a child having big birthday parties that included a hayride, costumes and a bonfire for roasting wieners and marshmallows! Oh the memories I have made in October!



Since we have been TTC, October has slightly changed for me. I would have never known that  October became National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month in 1988. Here’s a short excerpt I found on www.october15th.com.





I have had many friends go to such lengths to finally get their positive pregnancy tests, only to be saddened by a chemical pregnancy and/or miscarriage. Some may disagree, but I look at that as losing a part of you. You had another human being starting to take shape inside of you. As for myself, I have had one chemical pregnancy and two miscarriages.

If I was to tell you that a miscarriage doesn’t have any effect on yourself, your family and marriage, I would be wrong. It does. You may feel like less of a woman, discover how unsupportive your friends and family are and lastly, you may start questioning your marriage. In my opinion, these are normal feelings that come with infertility and miscarriage and with time, these feelings will work their selves out.

This month, I am going to try my best to speak out more about infertility and miscarriage. I have such a hard time with this, because just one simple post on Instagram about either subject is often ignored. People don’t want to talk about the topic and some don’t even want to acknowledge your struggle. I encourage anyone who read this blog to SPEAK UP this month. Let’s educate people in our lives about National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month!


 

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Are we still family?

Today marks the 9 month anniversary of my Dad's passing. 9 months. That's 275 days. Almost one full year. The thought of him being gone still takes my breath away at times. I've had this blog topic on my mind for nearly the last 8 months, but it's even heavier on my heart the past couple of weeks. I know I've sat down to write this blog at least 3 times now, and the words just won't come out. I looked at the calendar earlier and realized the date, the 25th, and I knew I needed try again.



Does the family relationship prior to death affect the kinship after death? This is a topic that I have revisited so often in my mind. Where do we go from here?

I find myself wanting to keep a relationship with everyone as it has been in the past. I have many aunts, uncles, cousins (and now two second cousins) and my grandmother whom I've always had a close relationship with. When my dad was so sick they were all very encouraging, supportive and loving to myself, my mother and my sisters. 

What has happened now? Where has all of the love and support gone? I have not spoke to an aunt or uncle in the last 8 months. 

I often find myself wondering if they feel as though my dad's passing was our fault. I don't know how they could even begin to think that, but why else would they leave us in the dust? 

I do understand how painful they may find it to be around their deceased son/brothers family - but how do they think WE feel? The glue that kept our family strong is now gone. We have the same hurt as they do.

I am hopeful that in the coming days we can open a line of communication again. Right now, it just feels too uncomfortable to do so. Do I wait on them to come around or do I make the first move? It's just a really unfortunate situation. Is is meant to be that we depart from the family and begin to live without wondering and/or worrying what they think of us? 

I don't think this fully portrays my frustration and sadness, but it's a start. So many questions, and no one to answer them. 







Thursday, September 11, 2014

I know you don't blog a lot...

The Life Cycle of a Blog Post | Mommy Runs It
 
My long lost blog has been neglected for far too long. I have posted two blogs that mysteriously disappeared, but otherwise, there hasn’t been much to say!

We were finally able to put our house on the market. After many weeks of cleaning, packing and re-carpeting the whole house, the For Sale sign was finally placed in the front yard a few weeks ago. I have one side of the garage filled with boxes of home décor, kitchen gadgets and whatever else was cluttering our space. We have had one showing so far. I hope this is meant to be, we are really unhappy where we are living right now and we need this change. ...the neighbors, the drive to work, etc.
 
moving-boxes-meme
 

We have a very exciting trip to Belize coming up in the next several weeks. I am hoping to come back fresh and renewed and ready to start (in)fertility treatments again. Why not give it another shot (literally) in Nov and Dec since I have met my deductible this year? :)
 
 

On that same note, I’ve finally been able to lose some weight. In the last few weeks I’ve lost 19lbs. I hate to say it, but I could lose 19lbs several more times before I am comfortable again. I am continuing to stay active as much as possible and controlling my portions. Also, I’ve cut out all forms of sugary beverages. (Except I do have 2tsp of sugar in my one cup of coffee in the morning!) I am hoping that a little weight loss will help with our next round or two of treatments. Otherwise, we will be forced to move on to something more aggressive. They say losing just 10% of your body weight can really influence your fertility. Let’s hope ‘they’ are right!

Until next time…
stay strong the weekend is coming soon